My Letter To God
Whenever New Years comes around people typically begin to reflect over what has occurred throughout the year. Me being me and always in my thoughts I usually take the time to reflect on things like places I have traveled, goals I have accomplished, events that may have caused change, varying relationships that have ended or grown over time. This is what usually leads to my annual letter to myself. Unfortunately, this year I am just not in the mood. A lot of people keep saying 2020 has been a hard year but honestly I have been having a hard time before 2020 even came about. In fact both 2019 and 2020 have just been an extreme whirlwind for me. I want things to get better but I also just want mental rest. I am just simply tired. I do not have the motivation to be self encouraging this year and I am not going to produce something if it just does not feel right. So instead of encouraging myself I wrote a letter to God:
Zora Neale Hurston once said, “there are years that ask questions and years that answer.” For the past two years you have led me to hard truths. I see the potential to keep advancing but I feel like I am losing the motivation to dissolve circumstances that shrink my spirit. I know I am not a victim. I try to choose peace over drama and distance over disrespect. I thank you for equipping me with compassion for others but I pray for the strength to provide that same compassion to myself. I pray fear no longer convinces me to question the gut feelings you bring to me that I sometimes unintentionally ignore due to doubt. I need you to remind me to celebrate small victories and return to thinking like a warrior. I need to unlearn the things wounded people have taught me and not worry about the things that are above or beyond me. No more emptying my cup to fill up others. As your child I come from power and strength. As your child it is an honor and privilege for others to have access to me. I pray that when a fulfilling love arrives I will feel worthy enough to allow it in. I remember when I prayed for some of the things I have now and even though I am in a weird space mentally I trust that with your guidance I can move mountains again as I did before. I am trying to keep faith that these years are a rooted foundation that will eventually lead to bountiful fruits and flowers. I pray the tears cried in these past two years water the seeds that will grow in the years to come but specifically 2021 should be a year of healing in your grace. Bless my journey through this new year. May my path be safe and my challenges become opportunities for growth and triumph.