My New Years Self Reflection Letter:
Dear Janay,
In 2018 we became lost, forgetting our worth and direction in life, which then lead to our mental health taking a toll on our thoughts and behaviors. In the midst of graduating college, working full time, grad school and developed anxiety, I allowed you to learn how to unlove yourself. I apologize for neglecting you. I allowed you to be unhappy and miserable in silence instead of reaching out for help. I apologize for allowing you to sit and wallow in sorrow. But that is all done with now and it has been decided to slowly put our pieces back together again. 2019 will be about healing, therefore we will focus more on the present. We are committing to burying the past and being fearless about the future. I want you to choose to enjoy your life again and then do it. I need you to have faith that you can make the change that you need to make. You became an adult and now it is time to grow up. Your life is happening right now, so you have to stop torturing yourself with indecisiveness because ultimately you know what you want. No more wasting time pretending you are not ready for what is to come. We are no longer allowing these thoughts and feelings to have power over us. We have to stop forgetting that our journey has no defined beginning, middle or end. I am so proud of you for making it through the tuff years. You are allowed to get tired. Rest a little and then reach back and use your knowledge as tools to keep going. You will not allow these struggles to continue to take over your life. Do not lose faith in your journey even though the road seems long and daunting. And do not allow anyone or anything to distract you from you. Be honest and intentional about what you want and then get back up and make it happen. You are powerful and in control of your life. I truly believe you will rise to the occasion because you have done it before. On the other side of your fear is your freedom, so go after it. Be willing to let go. Protect yourself against weakness but not vulnerability. Being in fear is not a habit or characteristic that you usually embody, which is why you no longer recognize the girl you see in the mirror. From now on you will be bold enough to believe you are worthy of allowing people to see who you really are. We will no longer be tainted by the memory of those who did not continue into our present and the moments that were damaging but also brought valuable lessons. There will be many chapters in life, therefore I refuse to allow you to continue to be stagnant in this one. Your trials do not define you, it is just motivation for better days. Your consent is required in order to feel inferior and you do not need to be fixed because you are not broken. Sweet brown woman you have simply just forgotten how powerful you are. I need you to get up and kick ass because frankly your happiness depends on it and also because you look good doing it. We will no longer accept just enough because you deserve exceptional.
I Love You,
Nay