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Always An Aunt Never A Mom

Updated: Apr 10, 2020


My grandmother called me today and made my day! We had a regular phone conversation consisting of her asking me am I okay and what is currently going on in my life, blah blah blah. The part of the conversation that made my day is when she gave me a whole lecture on why I need to wait to have children. You know why I loved this moment? Because most adults that I talk to nowadays go straight to “are you going to have children” during conversation. I dread this topic of conversation with everything in me and I am going to explain why.

First, let me inform those who do not already know, I DO NOT WANT CHILDREN. And I really hate when people try to convince me to change my mind. I have had people say things like, “oh you’ll meet a man and things will change.” I have met plenty of y’all sons and most of them make me want to pray for the women who do choose to reproduce with them. I have also had people tell me I am selfish for thinking like this. It is not selfish. Really think about this: Is it more selfish to not have a kid because I do not want it and cannot take care of it or have a kid just because I want to be a mother and not be able to take care of it?

In life I have learned that you do not have to be a parent to raise a child or bring significance to a child’s life. I spoil all my nieces and nephews. The biggest role models in my life are my aunts. So if I can happily live this role in the life of others why do I even need children of my own!? I am perfectly fine with being the aunt my babies come to visit, have fun with and then return back home to their actual parents. I had this discussion with a supervisor one day and she admitted to me she hates children but she loves the work we do (we work with autistic children) because she knows she is enhancing the life of another individual. She then proceeded to explain that their three people in this world: people who don’t like children for whatever personal reason, people who love and take of children through parenting and then people who are a part of the nurturing village that love children through socialization. When she said that to me all of heaven smiled. I promise it did. I was there. I felt it. Some people think just because I do not want children of my own that automatically means I hate kids. That is completely false. I love children, that is why I work with children. I just admently do not want children of my own. I do not want to endure pregnancy. I do not want to endure giving birth. I do not want to raise any child with an attitude like mine. Most importantly I financially cannot afford children during this phase of my life therefore please stop trying to convince me that it could happen.


This topic is no longer an open discussion or debate that needs to be had because I guarantee you are not going to change my mind. I don't even think people actually comprehend how invasive of a topic this potentially is. There are women in this world who have fertility issues. There are women in this world who have suffered miscarriages. Bottom line a woman’s uterus and what she does with her uterus IS NOT YOUR BUSINESS.

o thank you to my grandmother for being one of few people who is okay with me not having a child.


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