Protecting My Peace
I used love Christmas I really did but in adulthood everybody act so annoying around this time of year. Nobody warns you how different the experience of the holidays is when you’re an adult. Beyond the fact that everyone is so focused on spending all their money buying gifts for each other. And Beyond listening to the same ten holiday songs being sung by different celebrities. I’m talking about the uncomfortable feeling I have when my job invites me to the holiday party and says no pressure for you to attend but then keeps asking if you are coming. And if I do say no then there better be a good reason for why not or some judgment is coming your way. I’m talking about being signed up for secret Santa when I’m more worried about paying my bills than buying sally sue a ten dollars gift card from Starbucks. And then in return I get a generic set of body wash and lotion from bath body works that will break my skin out if I use it. Family members do the same. Numerous phone calls and text messages reminding me that the holidays are coming and I haven’t been “home” all year.
You know what I realized this year??
I realized I don’t need guilt trips. I don’t need to spend time around people I don’t want to be around. I don’t want to spend my money buying presents. This year I really learned how making a decision and then sticking to it can really save my sanity. Making a boundary, maintaining the boundary and protecting my peace. The power I felt after telling one of my jobs I won’t be attending the holiday party because I’m tired, my feet hurt and I don’t feel well so I’m going home to sleep. Yes I would rather sleep than be cordial with coworkers, not sorry. The power of telling family members I am staying home and you’ll just have to be okay with that. Don’t really understand why people feel like they are obligated to an explanation as to why I want to stay home but of course it was continuously requested. I had good reasons: I can’t afford a flight across the country and my job only gives us two days off the week of Christmas. And of course even after explaining this to multiple family members here comes the countless “I’m crying and I really wish you could’ve made it” “you’re never here when the family gets together” and “all we’re missing is you” text messages and voicemails.
For me personally, stuff like this is hard because I grew up traveling between two parents so I’m always away from someone I care about. Imagine a whole lifetime of guilt trips because people keep reminding that you weren’t there for the experience with them. Whew, this shit getting old. I been working so much lately I really just need quiet, no nagging, no drama and zero expectations for this holiday. So I will be home for Christmas this year protecting my peace. Even if I just sit on my couch all day in my pajamas watching movies it will be the best Christmas ever.