BY STEVE HARVEY
The first time I read this book was in 2012 when the first movie, Think Like A Man, had premiered in theatres. I had been seeing so much press about Steve Harvey during that time that I just wanted to know what all the hoopla was about. I recently decided to reread the book just to see if I still agree with some of the concepts now that I am a little older and have actually somewhat experienced the dating world a little. After rereading the book, I can honestly admit the book does have some helpful dating tips for women. I would recommend the book for any women regardless of age but especially single women in their twenties (like me). It definitely helped me to realize how different males think from women. In my opinion, I think that when you read the book you have to have an open mind to the concepts that Steve Harvey presents because there are certain concepts and/or chapters that pertain to certain lifestyles, such as a single mom or a woman in a relationship who wants to get married. I would also advise that you do not try to alter your own mannerism just because Steve Harvey says this is the way it should be done. In others words, I am saying Steve Harvey gives great suggestions but you still have to keep in mind your own level of comfortability and what you are willing to tolerate. And, Steve repeatedly gives a clear disclaimer that if you meet a man that does not fit the mold of men he describes than clearly that particular man IS NOT the one sis and you should definitely walk away from him. Also, if you do choose to follow my recommendation and read the book, read the entire book! Do not just read the one chapter that you think pertains to you, READ THE ENTIRE BOOK.
***
Now I am going to talk about a few specific concepts (not all) in the book that caught my attention. So, if you do not want me to spoil it for you then please read the book first and then come back to this section of my post. Also, this is my interpretation of the book, so if you have different opinions of something you read I would love for you to comment or send me your reactions!
**SPOILERS**
Overall, I like how Steve Harvey first provides a general explanation about the way men think and how they love. The book is presented in three major sections: 1) The Mind-Set of a Man, 2) Why Men Do What They Do and 3) The Playbook: How to Win the Game. The first section (The Mind-Set of a Man) definitely caught my attention as soon as I started reading. Steve begins the book by saying men are driven by three things: who they are, what they do and how much they make. Steve confidently explains that until a man feels he has fulfilled these three things then he is not going to be able to give his best efforts to any romantic relationship. Through my experience of dating while in college, I can definitely agree with this notion. I have had plenty of males both friends and potential mates tell me that they do not want to settle down with one person because they just simply feel like they should be more focused on securing their future rather than focusing attention on a serious relationship. I find this understandable because I can relate to feeling like being in a relationship is not a top priority.
Another important concept Steve provides is the three categories of a man’s love: profess, provide and protect. I interpreted this as if a man does not show these three actions toward me then he clearly does not care about me or see a future with me. Because Steve clearly states in the book, “A man who truly cares about or loves you can and will protect you in other ways whether it be with advice, or stepping up to perform a task that he thinks is too dangerous for you to do.” This exact quote made me realize that these actions are done because the man cares about the female he is doing what ever task for; therefore, this notion pertains to not only romantic relationships. For instance, I know if I need anything whether something big like a car tire change or small like lunch money either my dad or my step dad would be willing to move heaven and earth to get a solution for me. So with that being said all dates from here on out will be paid for by the man, I am just saying.
Now on the other hand, there was two sections of book that made me slightly unsettled. The first time was when Steve speaks about allowing a man to be a man and I honestly feel like he does not do a good job explaining this concept because he makes it seem like it is a woman’s fault if a man does not feel like a man. Steve emphasizes, “Appreciating a man but not undermining his confidence,” which leads me to curiously contemplate should I expect the same amount of gratitude and support in return from the man that I have to “act like a lady” for? I understand and agree that support is essential in a relationship but I personally value reciprocation in any relationship.
Secondly, I can honestly admit I got slightly annoyed reading the chapter “Why Men Cheat” because I felt like Steve Harvey explains it in such an ‘it is what it is’ type of way. That double standard has always bothered me. I just really do not understand how some men view cheating as ‘oh it was nothing’ but if a woman cheats on that man she then becomes the most foul person on the face of the earth. And, even if a woman is completely faithful, like Steve said, “being a keeper is no guarantee he will stay around.” So you tell me, am I basically being informed that all men cheat and I just have to figure out if I am willing to put with it or not? Now, towards the end of the chapter Steve does kind of switch gears and explain that, “women need to release themselves of blame of [a] cheating man’s actions.” Now through my experience of being cheated on in a relationship I have realized that a man may cheat because of what is going on within himself and not because of the woman. So I disagree with the notion of cheating but I do agree with the advice that women should not hold on to crippling baggage. Steve makes a great point that if you find out your man is cheating it is unhealthy to stay with him and continuously question his every move. Trust me sis, your sanity is not worth it!
Altogether, the best piece of advice Steve provides in the book is to set your standards. Steve basically explains that we as women should let a man know specifically what we DO NOT like and see how he responds. You purposely do not tell the gentleman what you do like because he’ll automatically go out and do it, which definitely makes sense! I have had guys ask me “what kind of men do you like,” then I say something like, “someone who can make me laugh” and I bet money that guy is going to try to make me laugh throughout the night just so that I will like him. Trust me, it has happened. Furthermore, Steve elaborates by explaining that men also use this information to decide if they are up for the challenge of being your mate. Therefore, telling him what not to do informs him of your limits and provides opportunity for him to show you what he is willing to do for you without you first telling him and then from there you can figure the rest out.