• Janay S.

Friendships Are Relationships

First, I have to state that Jada Pinkett Smith’s new Facebook web series Red Table Talk is a great subscription for anyone who is seeking personal growth or even just good conversation. I specifically want to focus on the topic of the episode entitled “Girls Trippin’ with Gabrielle Union.” In the video Jada Pinkett Smith and Gabrielle Union have an open discussion about the ups and downs of friendship and a lot of the things they spoke on really got me thinking. While watching the video I was reflecting back to different past friendships that allowed me to relate to what was being said and I realized the growth of me within these experiences. I think the biggest lesson in friendship for me is learning acceptance and progression.

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When the episode initially begins, Jada is explaining to her mom that she and Gabrielle have had tension for years but just recently they both realized that they could not pinpoint what it is that stifled their friendship. I can definitely attest to experiencing petty drama that made me have to stop and contemplate what is it exactly that is making me upset. I have had moments when I would question ‘why is this happening?’ because I was confused, angered or even hurt by a situation. Everyone and everything in our surroundings has the potential to erratically affect the energy you as an individual keep. I now understand that the most important priority of ANY circumstance is to secure my own healthy equilibrium: mind, body and soul. I learned the importance of accepting what I cannot control and not give attention to any negativity in any relationship, whether it emerges from a friend, coworker, lover, family, etc. I realized that the people who are continuously involved in conflict are not fighting a battle with me they are fighting a battle with themselves.

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At one point in the episode Gabrielle and Jada speak on taking responsibility versus claiming victimhood because everybody plays a part in the scenario. There is nothing easy about holding up a mirror of self-reflection, recognizing your own flaws and deciding to evolve into a better version of you. In my own personal realization, I discovered that I inadvertently cherished bonds that were negatively reciprocated and mistakenly expected consistency from people who did not even value my loyalty. I sometimes overextended myself because I want the people I love to be happy but in all I am just one person and cannot fix everything on my own. I had to learn to recognize when is the time for forgiveness and healing versus releasing because we are growing apart. Friendships are quite similar to deciding on a breakup in a romantic relationship; if a person is not ready to grow then they cannot be forced. Therefore, I am extremely proud of myself for having the patience to look beyond my mistakes and be enlightened by the woman that I am becoming. Knowing and reminding myself that bad times do not last and healing comes with acceptance, progression and time. With the Lord’s guidance, I pray I continue to recognize knowing when to be prideful and when to be humble. Also, to not run from myself but to walk with the confidence of knowing that I am more than enough. Because when you are a good person, you don’t lose people, THEY LOSE YOU!!!

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So my advice to others is: when the Lord separates you from negativity, do not keep in touch!! Real elegance is in the mind, therefore the love between you and another is not necessarily lost but the communication just isn’t healthy. I cannot start a new chapter in life if I am continuously re-reading old chapters or become stagnant.​Therefore, I refuse to shrink myself for the comfort of someone else. And I refuse to share my light with those who unknowingly darken not only my energy but their own. I simply just want to be surrounded by GREAT people: People that are GREAT FOR ME and GREAT TO ME. Therefore, I am gradually learning the importance of saving space for the people who matter. The family and friends that continuously check on me just to see if I’m mentally and physically okay. The people who constantly support me are the blessings that I sometimes unknowingly take for granted and I’m learning to give those people more of my energy and not waste my attention on others. Because by the time those other people realize how much I am worth, I’LL BE WORTH MUCH MORE. So I no longer feel bad for outgrowing some people because they were given the opportunity to grow with me. And lastly, I just want to state my appreciation for those who continue to show up, show concern, and provide love for me. I want you all to know I am deeply thankful for your presence in my life!!!

Other Blog Post About Friendship I Have Read:

Why I’m Okay When Certain Friendships In My Life End

8 Signs That You Might Be The Toxic Friend Of The Group

Why It's Heartbreaking To Hear Women Say They Don't Do Females

How to Cope When a Friendship Ends

#RedTableTalk #Friendship #JadaPinkettSmith #GabrielleUnion

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