I SAID I WASN’T GOING TO DO THIS….

I SAID I WASN’T GOING TO DO THIS…. but here we go.

For the past week I have been purposely limiting the time I spend scrolling on social media because quite frankly my mental stability cannot withstand the varying opinions that have been expressed. Today I finally reached a breaking point.

I had a virtual counseling session and the first thing my counselor asked me about was how was I feeling about “what’s been going on.” I was so deeply disappointed and annoyed. Now during the conversation I could tell my counselor, a white woman, did actually have a profound perspective about racism, police brutality, prejudices against minorities, etc. She is an ally, cool, that’s good. What annoyed me is realizing that I began the session expecting to discuss my personal issues but instead I’m having the exact conversation I have purposely been avoiding.

I was avoiding the conversation because like I said before quite frankly my mental stability cannot take it. Literally every since I read news about the murder of George Floyd I have had a roller coaster of emotions. I already am coping with different unrelated personal issues so I started recognizing that I needed to take the time to take care of me early in this wave of current events. Because you know what’s extremely exhausting? Having to explain to white people why I am not as shocked as they are about “what has been going on lately.”

My counselor really said to me “well this time around it’s on video and I think that’s what has caught more people’s attention.” In my head I was like wow white people really have to have something done so blatantly just for them to even consider it being wrong. Wtf

Now I will say I have noticed more white people voicing their opinions on social media and protesting in the streets about the cause this time around but truth be told I’m still not impressed.

I’m not thanking anyone for recognizing and highlighting the obvious after how many years? That is the least that should happen. So yeah it’s the ally’s turn to go march and protest for us for once. The police probably won’t escalate if y’all are the ones protesting anyway. I mean after all it was mostly white people that I saw depicted in the media protesting staying at home during a global pandemic and no police officers exercised excessive force then. y’all safe. We not. You do not know the instant fear I had when my boyfriend, who is a handsome black man, told me he was leaving our home to go join a protest being held in our city. I immediately started praying for him to come home with no bodily harm done to him that night. I’ve lost count of how many murders similar to George Floyd have happened. I’m tired. No I’m exhausted.

The fact that so many murders have occurred and we the people still have to protest, create online movements, etc. just for an investigation to even be considered. That is why peaceful protest turn into riots and looting. People are angry. We are frustrated. We are irate that something so blatant is still being questioned. And if you're one of the people who think badly of the people looting, you can keep your opinion to yourself. I don’t wish to participate but politically riots and looting are legitimate forms of protest against a system that values goods and services over human life. This. Is. America.

And while we are talking about goods and services, I really want everybody to stop being so excited about these companies producing statements about how they “stand with us.” The same way every logo you could think of magically turned into a rainbow last year for LGTBQ pride is the same way these companies are selling y’all a hashtag about black lives matters.

These companies love to support a cause just for the moment and then return to business as usual when convenient. Like how the NFL "stands with us" but told all their athletes not to kneel as a peaceful protest FOR THE SAME CAUSE!!!!! There are statues of confederate leaders, like Robert E. Lee, still standing on the grounds of historic PWI college/university campuses but the school care about the wellbeing of their black students. Make it make sense!!! I am listening.

I hate to be cliche but please for the love of God stay woke!! We don’t need more hashtags we need actual systematic change! So don’t send me sale promotion emails that have a section about how you appreciate black lives, because what you are really saying is keep shopping with us because your demographic has influence on our profits. Instead of a hashtag have the company owners open their wallets and donate to the cause! Send out information to raise awareness about resources like petitions, political organizations, hotlines, how people help, etc.